Questions for a chilly evening

Braving the porch tonight has brought up several questions.

Who are the new neighbors... The rental house two doors down has new tenants. Since there were half a dozen people there unloading and no one actually stayed, there is no way to know who is living there. I'm going to be honest I an not happy with any of the possible choices. The boys aren't happy either because they lost their alternative parking spot (the rental house's driveway) as well as the second recyclable can they snagged from the back as soon as the last tenant moved out. Now there is no where for all those empty beer bottles to go on Sunday afternoon.

What kind of parent or parents are letting their children play in the street at 9:30 PM on a Wednesday. Is April 29th some type of school holiday I don't know about? There are at least two and possibly more little goofballs running in the middle of the road yelling and screaming. Fine parenting! At one point there was a repeated cry of "Are you alright?" in a unique urban hillbilly accent one can only find in T-town.

Lastly, where does all this traffic come from on a Wednesday night? This place is Grand Central Station. There is nothing near here of interest except the 7-11 and believe me it is not that interesting. We aren't "on the way" to anything. There is no construction forcing intra-neighborhood travel. Maybe it's just a good night for a drive down crappy pothole infested streets where you are able to dodge badly parked cars and children who should have been in bed.

December 19, 2009

It's too cold to sit on the porch tonight so here's a past neighborhood story. On December 19th of last year, we heard a strange noise. Eric says "that was a car crash." Like the nosey neighbors we are, we both raced to the door. Sure enough, it was a jeep bouncing from one of the neighbors cars to the next. After smashing into two cars on the street the jeep careens into the telephone pole right in front of our house. After trying to back up and regain control (which didn't happen), the driver jumps out and starts to run. "He's going to get help," Eric says. He wasn't. By now, the drunk neighbors and friends have run outside to assess the damage, I am on the phone with the police and Eric is realizing he is not going for help. We point the drunk boys in the direction of the perp, in hindsight that was a bad idea. Thank GOD they didn't catch him. Instead they took out their drunken anger on the jeep. Boy 1 (that owns the place) is the more level-headed of the bunch and yells that the cops are coming. There is a lot of swearing. T-town's finest arrived and talked to the boys first. The jeep had hit Boy 1's roommates' cars (like a pinball game). He then looked around, walked the path the perp had taken, and then came to chat with us. We gave our best description of the guy who ran off. White guy, average, and running. According to the policeman this happens all the time. We never did find out who it was. I hope the boys at least got some cash for the damage.

April 16th - still sitting on the porch

Sitting here on the porch with a blanket in because the temp dropped about 20 degrees.

Today we learned the little boxer-looking puppy is named Milo -- a name neither of us approve of -- sorry if that offends anyone.

We witnesses John;s son come home on his bike. I really wish I knew his name but I don't. The only reason I know John's is before he passed away he spent a lot of time with his mean little Sheltie next door. John's son rides his bike from work (which I think i at Krogers) often time carrying a 6 pack of beer which I find impressive. He has done this all the years I have lived here.

That was about the extend of the evening until the neighbor boys came home. It is somehow comforting to know that the boys can be counted on for my entertainment. Tonight's story was short but it isn't quantity its quality. For the record I suspect this will not be as funny if you weren't present.

Boy's friend tells the following story-- once in kindergarten he knew a girl. Apparently this girl once crouched down behind her school desk and jumped up yelling "HAAAA" buck naked. This was made more humorous by the fact that it was completely random. It was completely unprompted and nothing was said after. Bizarre.

April 11th (A day late)

Yesterday was a pleasant afternoon on the porch. A bit chilly, but pleasant none-the-less. The activity started early. Tony (the neighborhood hoodlum) fought with his mother, chasing her out of the house. She yelled and one of the neighbors intervened before anything went horribly wrong. This sounds really awful, I know, but I have been here for almost 10 years and this scene has played out pretty much the same way as long as I have lived here and by all accounts, long before. It seems almost routine. The cops came and broke it up, but there is little they can do since the mother won't ever throw him out. Makes me happy to be childless.

Later in the day, we realize that there are beer cans all over the street. One here, one there, one a bit further down. We assumed these cans were empty and had fallen out of someone's recycling bin. It had been a windy few days. This assumption was reevaluated when we saw a strange man walking down the street checking each can. If they were empty he smashed them and if they were full he picked them up. He had two good ones that we could see (one in each hand). When asked my neighbor Krista, she verified that several beer cans were full and unopened. She found this out after her husband rolled one to their chocolate lab. She chopped down one, spraying beer all over. Apparently she is a beer drinker.

April 10th on the Porch

The porch is open for business again this year.

Today on the porch we were witness to several amusing events.

1 - The neighbor boy's friend got in his car, went down the road and about 3 minutes later returned. There was no booze, cigarettes or soda in hand so who the hell knows what he did. He then went in the house and reemerged several seconds later with a prescription drug bottle that he stuck in his car. We can only assume this was the boy's OxyContin.

2 -The new neighbor attempted to train his puppy by plopping it into the middle of the yard and then yelling when it tried to run in the road. This happened quite frequently. He did eventually give up and pick the puppy up to put it inside. There is some debate as to the breed. I say boxer. In any event the lady in the house who looks like she swallowed a beach ball will probably kick it to the curb when the baby comes and I will be forced to find it a home (the dog not the baby).

3 - The OxyContin thief reemerges with the boy and friends. The conversation went a bit like this --

thief "Do you need any milk?"

boy "What?"

thief "Milk! We have a ton of it. We get it on WIC"

boy"Huh?"

thief "You get it when you're pregnant. They give you milk, cereal, and other shit. It's like welfare but it's not because we can afford it but why would you buy it when they will give it to you for free!"

At this point as if directed by some higher power, the mother-to-be shows up, parks poorly in the middle of the street and pulls out a gallon of milk. The milk exchanges hands, obviously as a partial payment for the OxyContin. There is some babbling about nothing in particular. However the poor parking job leads to:

4 -- One large white van and a small white car come to the poorly parked car. The parked car has narrowed the street to one lane. Both cars yield. The small white car advances. The large white van guns it and swerves as to not hit the other cars. In doing so it hits the curb, pops the tire, and the rim goes rolling down the street. The mother-to-be and gang watch with amusement. The father-to-be aka the thief begins taunting the driver. The driver and passenger of the small white car (who live a few doors down) jump out and swear several times to the neighbors who have gathered at the commotion. Mother-to-be tells father-to-be to shut up, the guy with the puppy wanders back out to see what's going on, another neighbor adds her voice to what an ass the white van driver is and all is well with the world.