April 10th on the Porch

The porch is open for business again this year.

Today on the porch we were witness to several amusing events.

1 - The neighbor boy's friend got in his car, went down the road and about 3 minutes later returned. There was no booze, cigarettes or soda in hand so who the hell knows what he did. He then went in the house and reemerged several seconds later with a prescription drug bottle that he stuck in his car. We can only assume this was the boy's OxyContin.

2 -The new neighbor attempted to train his puppy by plopping it into the middle of the yard and then yelling when it tried to run in the road. This happened quite frequently. He did eventually give up and pick the puppy up to put it inside. There is some debate as to the breed. I say boxer. In any event the lady in the house who looks like she swallowed a beach ball will probably kick it to the curb when the baby comes and I will be forced to find it a home (the dog not the baby).

3 - The OxyContin thief reemerges with the boy and friends. The conversation went a bit like this --

thief "Do you need any milk?"

boy "What?"

thief "Milk! We have a ton of it. We get it on WIC"

boy"Huh?"

thief "You get it when you're pregnant. They give you milk, cereal, and other shit. It's like welfare but it's not because we can afford it but why would you buy it when they will give it to you for free!"

At this point as if directed by some higher power, the mother-to-be shows up, parks poorly in the middle of the street and pulls out a gallon of milk. The milk exchanges hands, obviously as a partial payment for the OxyContin. There is some babbling about nothing in particular. However the poor parking job leads to:

4 -- One large white van and a small white car come to the poorly parked car. The parked car has narrowed the street to one lane. Both cars yield. The small white car advances. The large white van guns it and swerves as to not hit the other cars. In doing so it hits the curb, pops the tire, and the rim goes rolling down the street. The mother-to-be and gang watch with amusement. The father-to-be aka the thief begins taunting the driver. The driver and passenger of the small white car (who live a few doors down) jump out and swear several times to the neighbors who have gathered at the commotion. Mother-to-be tells father-to-be to shut up, the guy with the puppy wanders back out to see what's going on, another neighbor adds her voice to what an ass the white van driver is and all is well with the world.