Monday, May 23, 2011

Pimp My Go-Cart

There are a few things that never cease to amaze me here on the Ttown porch. 1. The massive amount of traffic my street sees regardless of the fact it isn't a cross street to anything. 2. The variety of people in my neighborhood -- blacks, whites, latinos, young, old, rednecks, pimps, and crazies. The following is a perfect illustration of the diversity:

We hear the familiar lawn-moweresque roar of the home-made go-cart. Sure enough, it comes tearing down Balkin turning haphazardly onto Westland and then off and around the corner. On the contraption for the first lap is a 40 something year old man with a mullet, trucker hat, and open can of Budweiser. He makes several laps before giving the reigns to his eight year old child. Now you may think that allowing an eight-year-old to take a homemade go-cart down a city street might suggest a disregard for the child's safety but rest assured, dad is perched on the back still holding his beer. As the kid zooms around the corner, he doesn't even spill a drop. The Balkin 500 lasts about a half an hour. I am pretty sure the tank only holds 30 minutes of gas.

Shortly after the end of the race a gentleman pulls up in front of a house down the way. It's a 1980s Rivera all shiny and chromed. The owner jumps out to welcome the many accolades being bestowed on his fine automobile. The praise is so loud it raises the low-rider, hydraulic -master himself. He strolls past his wife who has been toiling in the lawn most of the day and rounds the Rivera, taking it all in and granting bits of wisdom about cars that get the babes. After several minutes of "car talk" the owner gets in his ride and leaves. The hoopty owner returns to his home (while his wife tirelessly works in the yard) assured that his ride is still the flyest, and the passersby go back to whatever they were doing.

Yep, these are the people in my neighborhood.

Friday, May 20, 2011

The Return of Darling Nikki

When boy 1 originally moved in three years ago, there was a girl 1. After a few months there was a truck in the drive and she was taking her dinette set to some other location. We were privy to one side of a few heated phone conversations and through the power of Facebook, we ascertained that she had flown South for bigger and brighter things. If I remember correctly girl 1 had some sort of masters in healthcare, but to be honest there are a lot of similar looking ladies on boy 1's page and my sleuthing skills have declined since moving away from my friend Gerri.

Last week I realized boy 1 had been missing for several days. I was about to post a note on his possible demise but just as I considered it, a truck and Uhaul appeared in the drive followed closely by a Honda with out-of-state plates. Out pops none other than boy and girl 1 -- reunited! Now I admit I did not see that one coming.

The high degree of education would beg the question why reconcile? Boy 1 is nice and easy on the eyes but I am guessing there were a lot of cuties in the South too. Here are some of the opinions on the matter.

My boss theorized that maybe she had been with some highly educated person who treated her like shit and therefore sweet, dull and comfortable would be a welcome change.

My mom (of all people) was a bit more cynical. Her idea was that a roof over your head and a food on the table could be the reason. I reminded my mother this sounded a lot like prostitution but it didn't seem to shake her view.

Overall we are happy about the reconciliation for a few reasons. 1. There will probably be fewer summer parties with random girls attempting to gain entrance by flashing the doorman. 2. The yard work has improved already. 3. Boy 1 really is sorta sweet and I think he missed her.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

I'll call the POLICE!!

It was a pleasant day. Sun shining, kids playing, a gentle breeze...all you could ask for in a Saturday. And then it became an episode of Parking Wars. One gentleman was very upset at the location the other had parked his car. It escalated quickly into a shouting match about how one neighbor had ruined the other's lawn, the legality of where you can park on a city street and who was more of an asshole. Then the bigger neighbor yelled, "We'll call the PO-lice and sees who's property you on!" Everyone seemed to disperse but sure enough, the TPD showed up shortly after. Unfortunately, the police kept them in check and we couldn't hear a thing. No one was killed so I guess it was a good day.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Rat Bunny

In my neighborhood playing in the street is pretty much normal. I am not sure why but it is and it has been since I moved in here. Mostly this means there is a lot of yelling "CAR!" and running out of the way.

Today there was a new rebel yell -- "RAT!!!" which cause not only kids but adults to scatter like cockroaches. "Rat!" was followed by a lot of screeching and some men running in to see what happened and hit it with a stick or some other stupid macho response. The only thing is that is is very odd for rats to be running around in broad daylight. Now, I have seen some rats in my time here but it is usually at dusk or when it is raining and they are trying to find shelter. I have never seen one out and about just socializing in close proximity to five or six people. After much screaming and chasing (might I just suggest that no one should purposefully chase a Toledo rat), the rat turned out to be a baby rabbit. We on the porch had to giggle because we have seen baby rabbits (tiny) and we have seen Toledo rats (size of a Dachshund) so I can only hope we are present when these people actually see their first rat.

After the trauma of the rat hunt, playing resumed in the road. A boy and his father (or older friend or neighbor since I can't tell who belongs to who here) are playing some sort of sports game but for the life of me I can't tell you what. There is ball kicking, ball catching, ball rolling, and a lot of terms and phrases that don't go together like: "fumble" "goal" "I'm open" and "get it through the goal posts." What is really sad is that whatever it is, this kid sucks at it. He could not kick a ball straight if his life depended on it. He has thus far hit two cars, three hedges and a few flower beds. David Beckham he is not. He doesn't do any better rolling the ball -- so there is no pro bowling in his future. He can catch a lob from a short distance but usually he falls down immediately afterwards. This is often followed by some bellowing about an injury. I am beginning to think they are sending him into oncoming traffic on purpose.

Everyone did finally go inside and the quiet of roar of traffic was all that could be heard. Boy 1 emerged looking like he just woke up and stumbled to the car. I am guessing he will be back in a few with some fast food bags and a case. A young gentleman in Miami Heat warmups at a svelte 220 walked down the road carrying a Tupperware container and a few minutes later came walking back with it full of food. That's new even around here. We will pay more attention next time because hey if someone is giving out food I am not above taking my Tupperware down the road.